Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
