He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
