Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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