There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
