my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
