1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
