Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
