I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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