Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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