where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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