laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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