that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
