Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
