i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
