fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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