Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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