bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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