remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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