i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
