We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
