after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
