I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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