blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
