Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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