glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
