You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
