My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
