so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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