Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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