If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
