things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
