I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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