Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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