ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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