then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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