dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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