I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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