I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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