Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
