I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
