i think i have two assholes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
