Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
