There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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