Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
