im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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