I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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