It was confusing and full of hummus
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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