you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
