just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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