I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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