Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Found your dick twin last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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