like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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