Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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