If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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