Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
