just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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