There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
