Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
