Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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